Never doubted Him, Never Will
by Imorgen
Summary: Jack's thoughts on the Doctor.


Author's Notes - This was my attempt to write something under 100,000 words. I've been waiting to post it here with an extra paragraph or two added for Miracle Day, but I have to admit that the series disppointed me so much that I'm going to pretend it didn't happen. (Hey, that's what fanfiction's for, right?) The introspection is posted under crossover because you really need to be familiar with Torchwood to understand this completely. Hope you find it interesting; reviews are always appreciated.

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><p>Sitting in his Chula warship holding a hypervodka, Jack has no doubt that he deserves to die. He almost wiped out humanity before it reached the space age. No wonder the Time Agency took two years of his life. He just wishes he'd met the Doctor under better circumstances. He has a feeling there's much more to him than meets the eye. When he's invited to travel in the TARDIS, he thinks he just might find out.<p>

Looking at the egg that had recently been Blon the Slitheen, Jack has no doubt that the Doctor is much more than a mere freelancer. Actually, he's known that the Doctor's a Time Lord for a while now, but this display of what he and his ship are capable of drives the point home. Jack's been saved by a myth, and he's becoming a better man. For the first time in years, he thinks that's a good thing.

Listening to the Dalek Emperor, the words just pop out of his mouth-never doubted him, never will. He can't imagine facing the dilemma the Doctor's facing right now. Oh, he's killed to save others, but he can't contemplate killing all life on Earth, even if it is to stop the Daleks from killing everyone else. The sheer magnitude is incomprehensible. Whichever choice the Doctor makes, he knows it will be the right one. It doesn't matter to him; he's a dead man walking. He just wishes the Doctor understood how much he meant to him.

Hearing the TARDIS leave the Game Station is the worst sound Jack's ever heard. He can't blame the Doctor, though. Jack remembers being exterminated all too well. But, he knows the Time Lord's clever enough to tell him why he's still alive. So he sets his Vortex Manipulator for the twenty-first century, hoping to find him. When Jack arrives in the nineteenth and his teleport has shorted out, he thinks he'll die without seeing the Doctor again.

Dying for the third time, Jack knows that something's horribly wrong. He can die, but he can't stay dead. As the reality of a lonely immortality sinks in, he has no doubt that the Doctor did it to him for a reason. But, he's starting to get a little pissed off that the Time Lord didn't stick around to explain. When he sees the Doctor again, he's not sure if he's going to kiss him or kill him.

Joining Torchwood isn't the proudest moment of Jack's life. He knows the organization treats aliens as something less than human; he saw that when he collected the bounty on that blowfish. He's short on cash, though, and that creepy little girl told him he's going to have to wait a century if he wants to see the Doctor again. But, he has no doubt that Torchwood's the type of organization the Doctor lives to take down. He just didn't expect the confrontation to take place at Canary Wharf with Cybermen and Daleks threatening the entire planet. When he sees the list of the dead, he no longer wants to kill the Time Lord. With Rose gone, he's sure the Doctor's suffered enough.

Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, Jack runs faster than he ever has before. The Doctor's finally in Cardiff, and Jack's going to get some answers, one way or the other. As he hears the grinding of the engines, he jumps forward to cling to the outside of the police box. Even if it kills him, he knows it won't take. When he finally speaks to the Doctor, he has no doubt the Time Lord abandoned him on purpose. He just never expected to hear that Rose made him immortal and there's no way to fix it. As he listens to the Doctor's explanation from inside a room that would bring instant death to anyone else, he thinks he understands. Even if the Doctor won't admit it, he ran partly to protect Rose, and Jack can live with that.

After months of being tortured and killed by a sadistic madman, Jack has no doubt that the Doctor has a plan to overthrow the Master. He whispered something to Martha before sending her away. Even up on the Valiant, there are rumors that Martha Jones is walking the Earth, searching for a weapon that will save them all. Jack just wishes it wasn't taking so long. The population's been decimated, and now Japan's been completely destroyed. He wonders what will be left by the time Martha succeeds.

Watching the Doctor hold the body of the Master, Jack wishes there was a way he could comfort the Time Lord. He has no doubt, however, that he can't. Even insane, the Master was the closest thing to family the Doctor had left, and Jack's all too familiar with the pain of losing a family member. Still, he's a little surprised that the Doctor can forgive the Master for all the terrible things he did.

Listening to the Doctor invite him to travel with him once again, Jack has no doubt that he's sincere in his offer. And, it's tempting, for about a second, until Jack remembers all the reasons he should stay: Tosh and Owen and Gwen and Ianto, especially Ianto. So, he declines, and the Doctor seems to take it well. Besides, it's not as if he won't see the Doctor again. Jack's immortal, after all, and the Doctor nearly so.

Freezing Gray in the vaults, Jack has no doubt that it was the Doctor's example that allowed him to forgive his brother. Cardiff's been crippled; Owen and Tosh are dead; and he's spent a thousand years dying underground so Gray could get his attention the only way he knew how. Jack just wishes he'd never had to learn this particular lesson.

Walking out of the TARDIS with Martha, Jack knows he isn't going to see Rose again. There are two Doctors, which is one too many, and he has a feeling that the new one is going to find himself stranded with a beautiful blonde on a beach in Norway. And, he has no doubt that the Doctor thinks he's doing what's best for her. And, maybe he is. Jack just wishes he'd let the people who care about him choose for once. He doesn't think Rose is going to appreciate being told what to do.

Gazing mournfully at Ianto's dead body, Jack has no doubt that the Doctor would help him if he could. Unlike Gwen, however, he knows the Doctor isn't some god, no matter how many people would like him to be. Besides, this is Jack's mess, and the Doctor's already cleaned up one too many of his messes. He has to fix this himself. When it's finally over, though, and he's reliving the last seconds of Stephen's life again and again in his mind, he wishes the Doctor would show up so they could talk. He has a feeling the Time Lord might be the only one who could understand.

Drinking in a bar, as far away from Earth as he can be, Jack has no doubt the Doctor is trying to help. The scrap of paper with Alonso's name on it means I'm sorry, and I forgive you, and I respect you as much as it means the Doctor's decided to play matchmaker. Only, the Doctor's stance tells Jack something is very wrong. In an instant, he knows, and he gives his friend one last salute. When the Time Lord turns away, Jack flirts with Alonso. He just wishes that the Doctor didn't choose to be alone. Jack's immortal, after all, and the Doctor nearly so.


End file.
